the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
