is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
