how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
