how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
