eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's always time for handjobs
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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