I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize