census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
