the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
