I think I won the penis lottery.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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