3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
