Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
