When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
