Everything about him screamed your future.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
