No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
