I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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