I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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