buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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