Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
