meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
