one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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