she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
