thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize