Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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