I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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