my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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