WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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