this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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