i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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