she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
