It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
