I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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