it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
