so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
