i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
