yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
