My room smells like vodka and shame
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
