His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
