The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
