Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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