I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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