i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
