I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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