it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
