I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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