This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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