I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
