my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize