I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
