Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
3 2 1 whiskey
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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