Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
