I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
