i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
