the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
