someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
