I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A+ Viking dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
