like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
