Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
