He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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