well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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