I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
