So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
