hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
