Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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