What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
