so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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