I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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