when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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