the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
