saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
