I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
