tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
