He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
