I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
