The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
