i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
