Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
