what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
